The badshah-samrat feud

In one of the biggest Bollywoodian ironies, our hero Shah Rukh Khan finds himself in a new "circus" very different from his TV serial, with a "sena" very different the army he played fauji for once on his way to stardom!

On the face of it, SRK's first comment on the IPL bidding process was an objective comment based on logic and the inescapable peacenik attitude that no Indian can deny. Except: SRK is one of the league owners! So either he is responding to a misrepresentation of the IPL league owners' attitude, or he is admitting that even in the face of this noblest of reasons he chose not to bid on Pakistani players, thereby leading credence to the perceived attitude of the IPL league owners!

Now let's turn to the other party: the Shiv Sena. Thousands of minds were once again "saddened" (as they do ever so often), and SRK was asked to apologize. Thus started the baadshah-samrat feud! Deftly weaving this controversy with their Maharashtra plank, they have swung into action protesting any SRK endeavour. Like the comic sidekick who cannot help but insert himself into a scene, our CM takes a side to ensure the release of a movie rather than control a law and order situation. Give it a few days: like a couple fighting, soon nobody will remember what the original controvery was.

There's something nostalgically filmy about all this. Remember the scene from Sholay where Veeru is chained, Basanti is in the clutches of Gabbar Singh on a hot afternoon in the Chambal Ghaati? Gabbar says "naach! Jab tak tu naachegi, iski saans chalegi!" (Dance! So long as you dance, he'll breathe). Basanti obliges until Jai comes to the rescue.

So to teach Shah Rukh a lesson, the Shiv Sena decide to stop the screening of his film by storming into cinema theaters who are planning to show it and tearing off posters. Who's being punished: the cinema theaters and the producer Karan Johar, and the public who once again will see his movie not with the intention of paying SRK but for their entertainment! This is masochistic patriotism: destroying your own property and threatening your own fellow citizens to show loyalty towards your own country!

So how will this movie end? Will an apology from SRK magically nullify all his seemingly unpatriotic utterances? Will an apology make him patriotic and fit to live in Mumbai once more? What will be remembered: the original controversy or that a political party that won the "people's agitation"? Meanwhile it has been reported that a certain Pakistani player went on Pakistani TV and spewed venom against India whose antidote is once again: money! Bid on us to prevent hearing nonsense from us.

The sunny optimistic person that I am, I have a solution for this controversy. Rename the movie "My Name is Khanzode". Suddenly its not an autistic Muslim fighting for justice, it is apla marathi manoos! No Sena will boycott that movie!