Am I a Mumbaikar?

I would like to ask this question to the Thackerays (which one, it doesn't matter. They all speak the same language). Of course I would be wearing a helmet, knee pads and a guard, and would have signed my will by then. Because who knows what reaction this innocent question invites!

Mr. Thackeray is at it again. This time he chose to spew venom at Mukesh Ambani. It was Sachin Tendulkar before that. So I humbly apply for "Mumbaikarship", based on the following:

1. I was born in Mumbai. To allay possible domestic disputes over whether Bandra is mainland Mumbai and Borivali is at the fringe, I was born in Dadar. To accurately use the new metric of measuring Mumbaikarness as proportional to your proximity with the Shiv Sena, I happened to be born in a hospital that is right opposite the Shiv Sena Bhavan in Dadar. So unless there was a hospital inside the Shiv Sena Bhavan, I am the "closest born" Mumbaikar there is.

2. I studied for four years in Mumbai, travelled by BEST buses, local trains, consumed Mumbai food and used Mumbai toilets. In fact I developed the habit of reading Marathi newspapers and at one point was able to solve about 20% of a Marathi crossword puzzle! That makes me leaps and bounds ahead in Mumbaikarness (allegedly) than many of the taxi drivers who know and see Mumbai much more than I do. I also learned Marathi lingo and can construct perfect sentences peppered with the words "aaila", "chaila", etc.

3. I speak Marathi, and will be the first one to admit that knowing Marathi provides a distinct advantage in Mumbai that has nothing to do with being spared from the various armies' (Senas) wraths.

4. I have successfully walked through the waters of the Mumbai monsoon, literally. This wasn't for pure fun; I was on my way to college to meet recruiters!

5. I have not taken any job away from Maharashtrians (as I am one of them).

6. I have successfully looked the other way when political parties announced bandhs or "bahishkars", have threatened someone and claimed to spoil my everyday life that already has no time. And yet I have quietly digested the claims that all this is to preserve something about me. An unfortunate hallmark of all Mumbaikars!

7. My heart has been ripped to pieces and independently claimed. For there is a "samrat" for every aspect of my heart!

8. There have been times when my sheer desperation to get through one day has been hailed as resilience, and then has been used against me to test it further.

We may all agree from time to time on what you have to say, but please do not claim public property as yours and then have the temerity to claim it is for the public's own good!