Am I a Mumbaikar?

I would like to ask this question to the Thackerays (which one, it doesn't matter. They all speak the same language). Of course I would be wearing a helmet, knee pads and a guard, and would have signed my will by then. Because who knows what reaction this innocent question invites!

Mr. Thackeray is at it again. This time he chose to spew venom at Mukesh Ambani. It was Sachin Tendulkar before that. So I humbly apply for "Mumbaikarship", based on the following:

1. I was born in Mumbai. To allay possible domestic disputes over whether Bandra is mainland Mumbai and Borivali is at the fringe, I was born in Dadar. To accurately use the new metric of measuring Mumbaikarness as proportional to your proximity with the Shiv Sena, I happened to be born in a hospital that is right opposite the Shiv Sena Bhavan in Dadar. So unless there was a hospital inside the Shiv Sena Bhavan, I am the "closest born" Mumbaikar there is.

2. I studied for four years in Mumbai, travelled by BEST buses, local trains, consumed Mumbai food and used Mumbai toilets. In fact I developed the habit of reading Marathi newspapers and at one point was able to solve about 20% of a Marathi crossword puzzle! That makes me leaps and bounds ahead in Mumbaikarness (allegedly) than many of the taxi drivers who know and see Mumbai much more than I do. I also learned Marathi lingo and can construct perfect sentences peppered with the words "aaila", "chaila", etc.

3. I speak Marathi, and will be the first one to admit that knowing Marathi provides a distinct advantage in Mumbai that has nothing to do with being spared from the various armies' (Senas) wraths.

4. I have successfully walked through the waters of the Mumbai monsoon, literally. This wasn't for pure fun; I was on my way to college to meet recruiters!

5. I have not taken any job away from Maharashtrians (as I am one of them).

6. I have successfully looked the other way when political parties announced bandhs or "bahishkars", have threatened someone and claimed to spoil my everyday life that already has no time. And yet I have quietly digested the claims that all this is to preserve something about me. An unfortunate hallmark of all Mumbaikars!

7. My heart has been ripped to pieces and independently claimed. For there is a "samrat" for every aspect of my heart!

8. There have been times when my sheer desperation to get through one day has been hailed as resilience, and then has been used against me to test it further.

We may all agree from time to time on what you have to say, but please do not claim public property as yours and then have the temerity to claim it is for the public's own good!

Apple's iPad: the big brother of Apple's iPod

So its finally here! Apple today unveiled its highly anticipated Tablet device, christened iPad. The iPad promises to revolutionize its market. Normally I don't actively follow Steve Jobs's presentations, so I don't know if he sounds so unbelievably optimistic in each of his "unveiling ceremonies". But then again, I have heard other CEOs talk sweet about their new fares too and its almost never as good as they claim. Personally I think the same fate awaits the iPad. Here's why:

1. To be fair its not really a "tablet" in the conventional sense since most other tablets only work with a stylus. Its really a big touchscreen device and is thus destined to compete other similar touch screen devices. Don't get me wrong: working with fingers is actually better!

So its a monstrous touch screen device that runs the iTunes store, a web browser, has 3G capability and all iPhone applications without any compatibility issues. That to me is a gigantic iPod/iPhone. Now iPhone has a great interface, so the iPad is already ahead of devices like Amazon Kindle in terms of the sheer interface. But is it to its market what iPhone was to the smartphone market? I don't think so.

e-Readers tend to have an eclectic market for one reason: price. The idea looks very cool, but unfortunately not worth its price for most. Why? It's greatest use is to use like a handheld monitor, capable of storing far more than a book in a very small and light package. But how many people do I see carry it around? I'm afraid I have seen only 2 Kindles till now at public places like airports. The iPad also falls within the netbook market, but I have my doubts about how popular those things are going to be. The reason again is price. One can get a 12-inch laptop for $450 these days. While one cannot use it like a tablet or a touchscreen, it is capable of doing everything a laptop is, and is incredibly light. So why buy a cooler device that is capable of doing much less at virtually the same price? There's the bridge between being extremely cool and being affordable/worth its price that I doubt the iPad will be able to cross. I'm unfazed by the Apple brand that loosens the purse strings of most Apple aficionados, so maybe this seems like an overly bad deal to me.

2. Its not as revolutionary as a tablet PC was when it came out in 2001. The tablet PC offers everything a laptop does, plus a screen you can write on. It kinda fizzled out eventually because nobody redid the applications. Everything was merely "inkable". Again, its cool to be able to write into a Word document or an email, but how many would use it everyday? Is there a suite of everyday applications that one simply could not use before the tablet PC? No!

The iPad didn't seem to have the capability of writing into a document, perhaps with a finger. So its borrows most of its interface innovations from iPhone, and does not present a radically different way of interacting.

3. The third problem is its size. At 0.5 inches thick its a hardware wonder and tempts with its ultralight 1.5 pounds body. But its 10 inches tall. And that's a wonderful thing for those like me who hate reading something on our smartphone screens. But its no iPhone: you cannot carry it in your pocket. Personally, if I have to carry it in a case separately, I'd rather carry a laptop that a couple inches thicker and a pound heavier. Why, even a MacBook Air qualifies! The iPhone packs everything: a touchscreen, an impressive interface and cool application support in a pocket-size frame. That's why its successful.

Frankly a MacBook Air with a touch screen would've been more compelling! But maybe Apple will pull off what Microsoft couldn't: maybe they can finally re-invent applications for the iPad instead of just making them "touchable".

What will it take?

Normally I reserve my "serious" opinions to myself, but this was too much to keep within.

Look at the plight of the poor parents of the children who died in the Gujarat earthquake. I don't blame the Chief Minister and the state ministers as much as I blame the local leaders. What in the world are they doing if not social work like this? Forget lofty words like "social work", "duty", etc., where is their basic humanity? I'm sorry to say this, but even a stray dog shows loyalty towards the beggar who spares a few crumbs. These people come begging for our votes, and for whatever illogical reason they get them. But how can a human's accountability be less than the loyalty of an animal!

I honestly cannot understand what brainwashing their jobs involves that people in power become so desensitized. A politician, no matter how small a position he/she is holding, cannot have any of the grievances that most of us ordinary mortals do.

1. Unemployment: What a politician has to do to get a job has nothing to do with the job. It is the only profession that does not require any sort of education or training.

2. Job security: Again this is a unique job. You actually declare what your job responsibilities will be during your job interview (the elections), and then you fail to do those! How incompetent can one be?

3. Job satisfaction/being appreciated: My most fond memories of childhood were winning contests. Politicians with power win elections! They are given the job by people who know they are not going to perform, are completely incompetent and will rob them silly! If that is not a satisfying victory (with seemingly unlimited chances to repeat it), what is?

4. Pay: Now one may argue that politicians don't get paid (officially) matching what they have to do. But look around, the same is true for many other professions. For example, high-school teachers who arguably perform the most critical of social duties, public transport officials, even the official who works for politicians and who actually does all the work! And they do it knowing fully well that there is no scope for any "fringe benefits" unlike politicians.

Exactly which aspect of their job desensitizes these people? Any law enforcement official or army officer will tell you that having to physically harm another individual as part of your job ends up making you even more human. So I struggle to think of even one barbaric aspect of the politicians's job that desensitizes them so much. And again I'm not talking about bigwig chief ministers and union ministers. I'm talking about the local leaders--the corporators, the Zilla Parishad chiefs, etc. True, they have their jobs probably because of endless pandering that they may be forced to indulge in. But still, how does that make you incapable of understanding basic human emotions!

The simple truth that I have failed to mention may be that politician or not, power corrupts all. I take that to mean a sense of entitlement that power gives a person makes them act simply to show their superiority. So am I to believe that people will display this level of insensitivity only because they can ,and they can get away with it? Is it just me or many of us simply cannot relate to such behaviour of a fellow human?