Neal n Nikki: the review

It is with a heavy heart and guilty conscience that I write this review, because writing this review would imply a confession that I went to the theater and saw this movie :-) Honestly I would have never gone to see this movie in a theater if I were in India, but here Indian movies really do make me that nostalgic!
Neal n Nikki is a potpourri of conventional Yash Chopra themes like sarson ke khet, romance, loads of Punjab, with "contemporary" movie stunts of his son aka Mohabbatein. Unfortunately this potpourri smells really bad!

The story is a no-brainer, in that you don't require a brain to understand the story. The part of the director and script writer's artistic abilities that this movie shows the most is their confusion and lack of focus about what this movie is supposed to be about. Is it a romantic movie, is it about NRI romance, is it about the C part in ABCD (American Born Confused Desi), is it a naughty mix of teenage capers and silly romance. The two creators of the movie will claim it is all of them; unfortunately it is none.

Neal and Nikki is the story of two people, Neal and Nikki (:-)). While Neal is this cool-dude NRI in Canada who hopelessly runs around all girls and (surprisingly) succeeds in wooing most of them, he is admittedly insecure about his own choice in relationships and so has delegated the responsibility of finding a wife for him to his mother. So mother finds one, and Neal decides to live it out one last time before making the plunge. So he goes away from his buffoon-innocently-flirtatious father and his oh-punjab-is-everything mother and decides to party in Vancouver and meet "21 girls in 21 days". He gets immensely lucky with all kind of blonde (and seemingly dumb) chicks and Nikki plays spoilsport. Nikki is this insecure girl who has just been dumped by her French bf, just loses it when she drinks (and she drinks like a fish) and for Neal, is always present at the wrong place at the wrong time. So after spoiling 2-3 of those 21 planned flings, they get to know each other, Neal fakes being her bf to make her real ex-bf jealous, jealousy succeeds, foes turn into lovers, then the usual engagement day drama followed by everything falling at the right place. So in a nutshell, Pyar To Hona Hi Tha meets DDLJ in 2 hours.
But I've wasted a lot of words on the story--its the characters that I am eager to comment on. Canada and NRIs is a good way to justify all the "hep" talk and the "hep" philosophies, but it was too modern and westernized for me to relate to. But even in that it is not consistent. A guy who wants to have 21 flings in 21 days before his marriage and pooh-poohs Nikki on her being a virgin takes so much offence when she kisses him in public. Apparently according to him a kiss between two people is supposed to have deep meaning, but one can sleep around without thinking twice :-). And the native Canadians and French-Canadians are very India-aware, 'coz her French boyfriend and his Canadian girlfriend are jealous and impressed respectively when Neal and Nikki fake romance with a Hindi song, intentionally copying famous Bollywood songs! Either keep the song parody-free, or keep the boyfriend Indian!
The lesser said about Uday Chopra, the better. But this movie has made a sensational discovery--now we all know how to make Uday Chopra look good and act well--pair him opposite Tanisha Mukherjee! It is the case of a friendly devil and the deepest sea in this movie. While Uday Chopra's acting isn't as pathetic as his looks, Tanisha matches both those aspects. She looks horrible and acts even more horribly. Remember the squeaky Aishwarya crying--Tanisha even talks like that. She can't talk, she can't dance, she can't cry. She can wear skimpy clothes however, very skimpy clothes. That immediately puts her in the chasm occupied by the Sherawats et al, for now at least.

That brings me to my last comment. As much as Hollywood is guilty of portraying the stereotypical Indian, Bollywood is guilty of portraying the stereotypical blonde. All the blondes in this movie either desperately want to sleep with someone, or who have named their body parts and take off their clothes and jump into water at the drop of a hat. So though a few Indians may be exactly how Hollywood shows them but not all are, same in this case. And if the director wanted to portray an Indian hunk who has a way with girls, at least don't choose Uday Chopra. If he must, then at least do his make-up well! With heavy makeup including lipstick on his face throughout this movie, Uday Chopra looks like a cross-dresser!
Be far-sighted if you are going to see this movie--focus on the backgrounds. Canada and especially Vancouver and Whistler are beautifully captured in this movie (Vipul you lucky guy!). In any case you wouldn't want to pay attention to what's happening in the foreground anyway!