I wish facebook was real!

I wish facebook, much like Harry Potter and Hogwarts School of Magic, was as real as it is alluring. Here is why I would be a completely changed man because of it!

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I: Today I did this ,
Friend 1: Like
Friend 2: Like
Friend 3: This is wonderful! Keep it up!
Friend 4: Like
Friend 5: Share with other friends
....

If I had so much pro-active positive reinforcement in actual life, I wouldn't have been so socially awkward! Who doesn't like surrounding themselves with friends who not only agree with you, but like you 90% of the times!

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Day 1:

Friend 1: Today I found this
I: I don't agree, that shouldn't happen
Friend 2: Why shouldn't it happen? ...
I: Oh come on, are you out of your mind?
Friend 1: Anybody who agrees must not have brains of their own!
Friend 3: What's the big deal?
I: It is a big deal, how can you be so &^%$^?
Friend 1,2,3: Quit being such a ^%*&%#


Day 2:
---
I: Today I did this ,
Friend 1: Like
Friend 2: Like
Friend 3: This is wonderful! Keep it up!
Friend 4: Like
Friend 5: Share with other friends
....

Facebook must be either adding 10 layers of thick skin, or triggering amnesia. Either way, aren't these exactly the kinds of friends you'd want?

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I: Happy birthday
Friend 1: Thank you!
Friend 2: Happy birthday
....
Friend 1: Thank you all for your good wishes!

(what actually happened: I logged on facebook, it reminded me so I posted on the wall).



Can you imagine if I had a reminder on my actual calendar to wish my wife "Happy anniversary"? Enough said.

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Day 1:  I open a facebook account, add 2 friends
Day 2: Facebook asks "do you know these people? I say "yes", now I have 4 friends.
Day 3: Facebook asks "do you know these people? I say "yes", now I have 13 friends.
...
Day 10:
Friend 1: Happy birthday!
..
Day 10.5:
I have 83 birthday wishes from people who all like me.

...
My real life experience is similar but ongoing, and "day" should be "year". And a simple "yes" didn't win me a single friend even in kindergarten.

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I: (Pasted from hallmark.com or a forward) I love you . You are the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. I wouldn't be here without you, and I wish we are together till eternity.
Friend 1: Like
Friend 2: Oh, that's so sweet! Keep it up!
Friend 3: Sahi
Friend 4: Best of luck! Very nice!
Friend 5: How romantic!
I: Thank you everybody!
...

Real life:
I (reading in a dramatic voice from a card I brought) : I love you . You are...

The room bursts into giggles and laughter... and there are only 4 other people! I smile sheepishly and hand her the card, vowing never to try being romantic again.
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Friend 1: I did this today
I: Oh how wonderful (sarcastically)
Friend 1:
I: (Delete comment)

...
Really, our tongues and brains should evolve into having an undo button!

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Friend 1: X celebrity is marrying Y!
I: That's wonderful!
Friend 2: I'm jealous!
Friend 3: Oh, I thought Y was with Z?
Friend 1: Yes, but Z was seen with A...


Real life:
I: Did you know X celebrity is marrying Y!
Friend: Hehehehe, you read page 3!

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I: Vacation on the beach!
Friend 1: Keep it up!
Wife/girlfriend: Thank you! it was so much fun!
Friend 2: Great, I'm jealous.
Friend 3: You should try X next, we went there last year and had a blast!

Real life:
I: This is a great photo, I'm going to put it up on my office door.
Wife/girlfriend: Are you crazy?!
Friend : So, how was the vacation? Wink, wink


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And for those reasons folks, you will rarely catch me on Facebook! I'm not very social, but I'm not a closet socialite either :-)