Baawariya--the review

Nope, that's not a spelling mistake. "Baawariya" is every single person who went to see this movie hoping for something nice. Saawariya is the longest April fool's joke in the world. See it, and you will be lost for words...you will never be able to pinpoint just which aspect is its worst.

The movie begins with a sentence that should be at its end: "...you won't find this city anywhere on a map, because it is in my thoughts..." . You should remember that sentence till the very end to console yourself of the fact that at least an absurdity like this does not exist in reality.

Saawariya is (allegedly) the story of a happy-go-lucky Raj in a fictitious city falling in love with a you-can-love- her-but-cannot- have-her Sakina (in reality, she is a you-can-love- her-but-she- is-too-stupid girl). Reel after reel takes you through sets describing this fictitious set, trying to describe this artsy love story. This movie and my adulation of Sanjay Leela Bhansali forces me to be an optimist and try and pinpoint the positives of this movie....

Let's see....the sets are good (but they look very fake so you're really seeing a play with props)...... the music is very good (but even Hum Aapke Hai Kaun was better peppered with songs than this one).....there is an interval (raising the false hope that the movie will get better in the second half)...and inspite of all the fears in one's mind, the movie does eventually end.

Ranbir Kapoor is the one redeeming factor in this movie. He looks good and very confident in front of the camera. He seems to dance well and has a good physique (which is about all that is required these days). He has an innocent face that helps him a lot in this movie. Unfortunately after him, the next best thing is Zohra Sehgal, followed by Rani Mukherjee. Sonam Kapoor is as squeaky as the initial Aishwarya--makes me want to open her mouth and pour some machine oil to stop the squeaking. She doesn't have to do much except look pretty, and she looks decent although not drop-dead gorgeous. Salman Khan is good, only because he does not have to dance, only broods, speaks in a baritone and has a total of 5 lines.

The movie has an overwhelming blue aura, which gave me the blues. The movie tries to look artsy, sad and romantic at the same time, so you can guess what it ends up being. My greatest disappointment was the whole concept and the fact that a gifted director like Sanjay Leela Bhansali believed in it. The movie is not a love story because the story is practically non-existent and moves at snail speed. The movie is not an ode to artsy films, RK films or the novel it is inspired from, only because it can only be an insult to anything it is supposed to pay respect to. The only good thing that I can think of is that you can pause the movie at any frame, print it and sell it as a really good work of art.

There is a thin line between genius and lunatic: Sanjay Leela Bhansali took 5 steps back, came running and jumped over it.

Om Shanti Om--the review

After months of watching movies months after they have released, here is a "fresh" review.

Om Shanti Om is the first Farah Khan movie that I have seen. And I must admit her style brings an air of much-needed freshness into the usually insipid "hatke" films that Bollywood claims it churns out. This movie is, as admitted by her, a tribute to the melodramatic films of the 70s, and begins quite promisingly.

Om Prakash Makhija (SRK) is a junior artiste acting in films of the 70s, wanting to make it big time and head-over-heels over the famous heroine Shantipriya (a gorgeously 70s Deepika Padukone). He, his friend ably played by Shreyas Talpade and his filmy mother played by Kiron Kher provide a lot of laughs as they play typical moviebug-bit smalltimers. Today's big names struggling in those times have been sprinkled and ridiculed much to everybody's delight. SRK shines in this part of the movie, as the script calls for him to ham (something he is truly the King Khan at). Loud music, louder costumes, ghise-pitey dialogues (tons of maaa references) make it truly a treat to watch.

The 15-minute interval takes us ahead by 30 years to the reborn SRK and the potshots at current movies continue, again done quite well. Alas here is where Farah Khan and OSO lose their moorings.

The film would have worked as a terrific spoof to the movies of the 70s, but it soon becomes one of them. It has everything-- a reincarnation, a contrived plot, even the usual stretch-till- it-breaks execution. And also some features from today's films, namely an unfit star-studded song and a highly mediocre item song by SRK. The star-studded song is merely meant to be a crowd puller (and is surprisingly better woven in the movie than most of its kind) but it really doesn't add anything except 5 minutes of a boring song. 80% of its star cast are today's struggling actors anyway.

SRK performs well in this movie. Deepika Padukone looks drop-dead gorgeous in clothes that span two eras. She doesn't have a lot of acting to do, but doesn't screech, squeal or act stupid (which translates to a very decent debut considering she's a model). The music is strictly average, barring a very melodious Ajab Si from KK. The background score by Sandeep Chowta is much better and definitely an asset to the second half. Shreyas Talpade looks good, acts well and holds his own playing a young and an old man in front of SRK. Kiron Kher is good as always. Arjun Rampal is surprisingly convincing.

All in all, the movie is much better, funnier and interesting at portraying the 70s than today. It highlights the maladies of the 70s movies much to the audience's delight, and also exemplifies all that is wrong with today's movies (which was not funny 'coz it wasn't a part of the spoof) : useless item songs, stretched to the plot's limits and publicity-hungry jabs that have nothing to do with the story.